You Are Your Habit

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit." -Aristotle

Who doesn't want to be remembered for all of the good??? Who doesn't want to be known as excellent??? I'm quite sure we all want to be known as a good contributor to some excellent cause or change of some sort no matter how big or small.  However, before we can put excellence into existence, we must first examine ourselves and our habits.  Ask yourself the following questions as a starting point of examination (and be honest with yourself):

Am I a good listener or would I rather command?
Do I share or hoard for myself to reap the benefits later by myself?
Do I plan and follow through or do I quit once I come to a stumbling block?
Are people attracted to me or repelled to be with me?
Do I uplift others or discourage?
Am I approachable?
Are people likely to approach me with problems or figure them out on their own with hesistance of how I may react?
What significant habits do I have?
Am I the person I want to be?

If you are not pleased with your responses, then it is time to start making some changes in your behavior in order to obtain better habits.

Take Time To Appreciate Your Child

After getting an upsetting message that my daughter misbehaved in school for the past two days, I became discouraged as an educator.  I gave her a scolding and let her know repeatedly how acting up in school is unacceptable.  After sitting back and reflecting on the second day, I came to the decision that maybe it was me who had to do something a bit different.  I began an initiative a couple of years ago that I would highlight my daughter's achievements and give her rewards for behaving the whole week of school.  Each weekend, we would do something special for her if she brought home an excellent report.  This method worked for quite some time.  However, the extrinsic awards may be running out for the same weekly task.  Maybe she needed something different.  Maybe I need to do something different. It is obvious that I wasn't highlighting her behaviors at home the same as I highlighted her school behavior.  So, she became the perfect child at home while misbehaving at school.  However, I still did not acknowledge the perfect home behavior. At the end of the day, I am responsible for my daughter's behavior as a minor.  I had to come to some realization about this.  And no, I am not making a big deal of a couple of days.  I just don't want to ignore an issue that could become worse.  I definitely don't want it to become habit.  Besides, when behaviors suddenly change, a red flag should go up...In this case it did.  Here is a bit of my reflection: 

 

Children have so many expectations to meet.  They have to worry about how they are perceived by their peers, they must make sure their parents approve of the decisions they make, and they even have to worry about how their teacher views their work ethic or character.  Sometimes we notice that our children are becoming a little lazy and not trying as hard as they once did.  The issue may not be that the child is lazy...The issue might stem from us, the adults.  Children can begin to feel overworked and misunderstood if their efforts are not seen after trying their hardest and doing their best.  Many times they feel like giving up.  At the end of the day, we have to understand that our child will still be our child.  We must remind ourselves that our children are the best and admire them for being unique rather than criticizing them for being different. Therefore, we must remind our children to be the best that they can be at all times.  Let them know that the people who care will stick around and will still love them for the person they are, because no matter what accomplishments they make or don't make they will still be the same person.  Children need to know that it is okay to make mistakes, but just do not become so discouraged that they give up on the person they were trying to become or the goals they were trying to reach.  Parents, let's take it a bit easier on our children and appreciate the good that they bring to our lives.  Let's set them up for success without tearing them down to the ground.  It is okay if they don't achieve what we want them to achieve as long as they are accomplishing goals that are meaningful to them in their journey of life. Don't become so busy trying to create a good child when you already have one. 

 

The one goal and message that we should send our children is:

Make sure you are being the best that you can possibly be.  The best you is all you can offer.  Therefore, the people around you must accept you for who you are.  Do not get confused and try to be like someone else, because that is when you lose the respect that others so dearly have for you.  Just remember to BE THE BEST YOU! Guess what...no one else can beat you at your own goal...

 



 

Who I Am Makes A Difference

I am afraid to show you who I really am, because if I show you who I really am, you might not like it--and that's all I got.
Sabrina Ward Harrison

Isn't it scary how we feel a certain way about certain things and we can't even expose our true feelings for fear of how others might view us from that moment on? After talking with a friend about past experiences that have shaped me into the person I am today, I reflected long and hard on my life and what I have to offer.  There were many times that I did not appreciate at the moment of adversity, but I have learned to appreciate in the present.  There were many battles in my life where I have had to lose friends, associates, or opportunities because I stood my ground on particular matters and did not want to contradict my morals, values, or beliefs for others.  I look back on those times and ask myself whether or not I regret those times...To this day, I can honestly say, "NO" loud and clear.  I am at a certain place in my life where the opportunities that I would have gotten five, six, even ten years ago may not even matter today.  Sure, those opportunities could have landed me in other areas but I will not live off of the could've, would've, should've moments.  I am only going to live in the now and prepare for the future.  I am proud of the person I have become and realize that if I did not have those moments of staying true to myself years ago, I would not be the person I am today. Besides, if I would have shifted my stance for others, I probably wouldn't even know who I am today. I would still be searching for the true me.  There are a lot of people struggling with finding their true self and figuring out their purpose in life at an adult age.  I am just glad that I don't have that problem and it is all because I was always me during times of popularity, injustice, unfairness, and spite.  It is always easier to get what you want by being who others think you should be, but I made the choice to do all the things that I wanted to do on my own time in my own way.  I will never apologize for who I am and I advise you to never apologize for the true you. Just remember: "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
 

Change You to Change Your Life

"Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change." -Jim Rohn

 

Change your mind; change your future.
Change your mind; work through fear.
Change your mind; change your path.
Change your mind; determine the outcome.
Change your actions; meet your goal.
Change your actions; change your health.
Change your heart; welcome your life.
Change your heart; accept your past.
Change your heart; live in happiness.
Change your heart; live in peace.

 

Make the changes that matter. Change things that hinder you in order to grow. If you have become stagnant in the way you live and move from day to day with mere routines, it may be time for some excitement and change in your life! Remember changing you begins with a change WITHIN you.

All Alone

I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone. -Robin Williams
 

This quote was speaking to me no more than 5 years ago.  I remember wanting to feel as though I had people in my corner ready and willing to support each of my heartfelt endeavors.  After broken promises, neglectful attitudes, missed appointments, and confusion, I reflected on what it really meant to be ALONE.  Being alone is more than just being by yourself.  It is about not feeling up to the job of entertaining and supporting yourself.  I had to realize that just because I had a dream, did not mean everyone else I simply spoke to on a daily basis would feel the desire in my dreams.  I have dealt with opinions, negative comments, and people who tried to change my dreams to match their interpretation of what my dreams and desires should be.  After ending up alone once the opinions were finished being stated, I had the job of reflecting on myself.  It is a realization that I do not need a million supporters to feel like a million bucks :-)  I had to find that happy spot in myself where I could be all by myself and still feel as though I had an entourage.  I now have that and it is important for everyone to have that feeling.  That lonely feeling is the reason why people end up being depressed, sick, and feel as though they need someone in order to feel loved, happy, and just to live.  That is not a good feeling! But, it can absolutely be changed with a change of your mind, thoughts, feelings, and heart.  Besides, you will always feel alone whether or not you have people with you if you never get to the point of fully accepting yourself and your own presence while alone. 

Pick up your phone and scroll through your contact list.  Now, look through your call log.  Are they consistent with one another? Do these contacts call only when they are ready to hang out or need something or someone? Do you have as many people who care about you, who will call you just to check up on you, call just to talk, or even just to say "Hi"? We tend to think that if we have a lot of people in our contact list, that we have "someone we can call on".  That may not be the case.  We unknowingly surround ourselves with many people to fill that empty hole we have.  But, with all the filling, the empty feeling never seems to fully go away.  It is time to work towards building relationships that go beyond the norm.  Grow more meaningful and deep relationships.  We sometimes sell ourselves short because we have spent so much time with a person, but is that enough to make us want to stick around to be taken advantage of? Know that you and your feelings matter as well. You may be so careful to not step on someone else's toes, but they step on yours all the time and show no regard or remorse for your feelings.  Well that is not fair to you. It is time to invest in your emotions and notice your worth.