After getting an upsetting message that my daughter
misbehaved in school for the past two days, I became discouraged as an
educator. I gave her a scolding and let her know repeatedly how acting up
in school is unacceptable. After sitting back and reflecting on the
second day, I came to the decision that maybe it was me who had to do something
a bit different. I began an initiative a couple of years ago that I would
highlight my daughter's achievements and give her rewards for behaving the
whole week of school. Each weekend, we would do something special for her
if she brought home an excellent report. This method worked for quite
some time. However, the extrinsic awards may be running out for the same
weekly task. Maybe she needed something different. Maybe I need to
do something different. It is obvious that I wasn't highlighting her
behaviors at home the same as I highlighted her school behavior. So, she
became the perfect child at home while misbehaving at school. However, I
still did not acknowledge the perfect home behavior. At the end of the
day, I am responsible for my daughter's behavior as a minor. I had to
come to some realization about this. And no, I am not making a big deal
of a couple of days. I just don't want to ignore an issue that could
become worse. I definitely don't want it to become habit. Besides,
when behaviors suddenly change, a red flag should go up...In this case it
did. Here is a bit of my reflection:
Children have so many expectations to meet. They have to worry about how they are perceived by their peers, they must make sure their parents approve of the decisions they make, and they even have to worry about how their teacher views their work ethic or character. Sometimes we notice that our children are becoming a little lazy and not trying as hard as they once did. The issue may not be that the child is lazy...The issue might stem from us, the adults. Children can begin to feel overworked and misunderstood if their efforts are not seen after trying their hardest and doing their best. Many times they feel like giving up. At the end of the day, we have to understand that our child will still be our child. We must remind ourselves that our children are the best and admire them for being unique rather than criticizing them for being different. Therefore, we must remind our children to be the best that they can be at all times. Let them know that the people who care will stick around and will still love them for the person they are, because no matter what accomplishments they make or don't make they will still be the same person. Children need to know that it is okay to make mistakes, but just do not become so discouraged that they give up on the person they were trying to become or the goals they were trying to reach. Parents, let's take it a bit easier on our children and appreciate the good that they bring to our lives. Let's set them up for success without tearing them down to the ground. It is okay if they don't achieve what we want them to achieve as long as they are accomplishing goals that are meaningful to them in their journey of life. Don't become so busy trying to create a good child when you already have one.
The one goal and message that we should send our children is:
Make sure you are being the best that you can possibly be. The best you is all you can offer. Therefore, the people around you must accept you for who you are. Do not get confused and try to be like someone else, because that is when you lose the respect that others so dearly have for you. Just remember to BE THE BEST YOU! Guess what...no one else can beat you at your own goal...
