Sometimes fixing the problem can be as simple as listening...

After looking at a YouTube video, I laughed...not because it was funny, but because I could totally relate. My husband and I have had numerous discussions about him just listening. There are times when I have to vent about a situation to help release tension and pressure to refrain from getting to the point of being annoyed.  He always tries to fix the problem and provides suggestions for things that I should do to feel better about the situation. However, his speaking only makes the issue worse! LOL Because all I need is an ear to listen to my situation and try to understand what I am feeling for adequate support at the time. Now, I have learned to just tell him that I just need him to listen before he gets too deep in providing solutions. Thankfully, he has definitely been working on it now :-). What we don't understand is that sometimes the problem is already fixed. Many times we already know what we need to do next to make the situation better or fix the problem on our own. Often the problem fixes itself. It is okay to not always fix the problem. Just listen! Copy and paste the link to watch the video.

Click here to watch the video.






 

Love Your Body Type

After catching a clip of Queen Latifah's show today at the gym, I heard some amazing inspiration about body image.  Although the show was about getting healthy and incorporating ways to stick to the usual "I want to lose weight" new year resolution, I got something much deeper out of what I saw.  The Hollywood Trainer, Jeanette Jenkins was featured on the Living segment of the show. She looks great! She seems to have so much energy! It just does not seem to all come from simply working out.  Jeanette Jenkins made a comment about learning to love yourself.  Even though we all head to the gym to work out for a "better" body, we need to learn to take a moment to appreciate the body we already have.  So many times, we get to the point of giving up because it seems as though no matter how hard we try to get that perfect figure we never get it.  The problem comes from the different body types that I learned about as Jeanette Jenkins was talking. The three body types that she spoke of were the ectomorph, endomorph, and mesomorph body types that determined body shape. 
Ectomorph - lean/thin
Mesomorph - Athletic/Muscular Build
Endomorph - Soft/Curvy (tends to be a bit more flabby)
Therefore, if you have an endomorph body build, you can't expect to go to the gym and come out with the ectomorph build. You have to be realistic if you are exercising and losing weight naturally.

The following site http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/becker3.htm has a quiz that you can take to determine the body type you are and also offers suggestions for your particular build. Isn't that great!? Now, you can customize your workouts to your body rather than doing the basic exercises you've been told to do all your life.

The moral of this post is that before you can venture out to improve your image, you must first love who you are.  That means you need to remind yourself daily when you look in the mirror that you look good. Despite what we have been told looks good by society, we have to still love who we are because no matter how much work and time we put in, we will never have another body. All we have is ours. So, love yourself for what you've been given.

Respect

"You don't have to like me, but you will respect me!" We've all heard someone say this before at some point.  You may have even said it yourself. Respect is more than just biting our tongue so we don't say the wrong thing to an elder or being so afraid of someone's reaction that we can barely even express ourself. Respect is evident when we show regard for other's feelings and are considerate to others despite past circumstances.  Before we can ask someone to respect us, we must know what respect is.  There are times when I see young ladies yelling out that someone needs to respect them, yet they go out and do things that are disrespectful to their selves by acting out in foolish ways in public because someone said something slick. There are males who would rather fight as a way of gaining respect because they feel as though someone looked at them the wrong way. To be respected, you must be someone worthy of being respected. Respecting others is the first step, because how you respect others determines how respectful you are deeming you worthy of respect. What we must do before we can ask for someone to respect us is to analyze our own behaviors that are worthy of being respected and evaluate the characteristics we possess that are likely to be disrespected. If we find ourselves being disrespected for the same things, maybe it is time to think of ways to change those behaviors. I know when some people hear that they need to change something about their self, they begin the argument that people need to like them for who they are. However, we need to understand that there are behaviors that we inherit and learn from our environment that are unacceptable and unworthy of being respected. It is nearly impossible to grow and mature by doing the same things from childhood. At some point, we have to learn and change to mature into a person worthy of being respected. Changing learned behaviors is something that is easier said than done, but with persistence it can be done.

You Are Your Habit

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit." -Aristotle

Who doesn't want to be remembered for all of the good??? Who doesn't want to be known as excellent??? I'm quite sure we all want to be known as a good contributor to some excellent cause or change of some sort no matter how big or small.  However, before we can put excellence into existence, we must first examine ourselves and our habits.  Ask yourself the following questions as a starting point of examination (and be honest with yourself):

Am I a good listener or would I rather command?
Do I share or hoard for myself to reap the benefits later by myself?
Do I plan and follow through or do I quit once I come to a stumbling block?
Are people attracted to me or repelled to be with me?
Do I uplift others or discourage?
Am I approachable?
Are people likely to approach me with problems or figure them out on their own with hesistance of how I may react?
What significant habits do I have?
Am I the person I want to be?

If you are not pleased with your responses, then it is time to start making some changes in your behavior in order to obtain better habits.

Take Time To Appreciate Your Child

After getting an upsetting message that my daughter misbehaved in school for the past two days, I became discouraged as an educator.  I gave her a scolding and let her know repeatedly how acting up in school is unacceptable.  After sitting back and reflecting on the second day, I came to the decision that maybe it was me who had to do something a bit different.  I began an initiative a couple of years ago that I would highlight my daughter's achievements and give her rewards for behaving the whole week of school.  Each weekend, we would do something special for her if she brought home an excellent report.  This method worked for quite some time.  However, the extrinsic awards may be running out for the same weekly task.  Maybe she needed something different.  Maybe I need to do something different. It is obvious that I wasn't highlighting her behaviors at home the same as I highlighted her school behavior.  So, she became the perfect child at home while misbehaving at school.  However, I still did not acknowledge the perfect home behavior. At the end of the day, I am responsible for my daughter's behavior as a minor.  I had to come to some realization about this.  And no, I am not making a big deal of a couple of days.  I just don't want to ignore an issue that could become worse.  I definitely don't want it to become habit.  Besides, when behaviors suddenly change, a red flag should go up...In this case it did.  Here is a bit of my reflection: 

 

Children have so many expectations to meet.  They have to worry about how they are perceived by their peers, they must make sure their parents approve of the decisions they make, and they even have to worry about how their teacher views their work ethic or character.  Sometimes we notice that our children are becoming a little lazy and not trying as hard as they once did.  The issue may not be that the child is lazy...The issue might stem from us, the adults.  Children can begin to feel overworked and misunderstood if their efforts are not seen after trying their hardest and doing their best.  Many times they feel like giving up.  At the end of the day, we have to understand that our child will still be our child.  We must remind ourselves that our children are the best and admire them for being unique rather than criticizing them for being different. Therefore, we must remind our children to be the best that they can be at all times.  Let them know that the people who care will stick around and will still love them for the person they are, because no matter what accomplishments they make or don't make they will still be the same person.  Children need to know that it is okay to make mistakes, but just do not become so discouraged that they give up on the person they were trying to become or the goals they were trying to reach.  Parents, let's take it a bit easier on our children and appreciate the good that they bring to our lives.  Let's set them up for success without tearing them down to the ground.  It is okay if they don't achieve what we want them to achieve as long as they are accomplishing goals that are meaningful to them in their journey of life. Don't become so busy trying to create a good child when you already have one. 

 

The one goal and message that we should send our children is:

Make sure you are being the best that you can possibly be.  The best you is all you can offer.  Therefore, the people around you must accept you for who you are.  Do not get confused and try to be like someone else, because that is when you lose the respect that others so dearly have for you.  Just remember to BE THE BEST YOU! Guess what...no one else can beat you at your own goal...

 



 

Who I Am Makes A Difference

I am afraid to show you who I really am, because if I show you who I really am, you might not like it--and that's all I got.
Sabrina Ward Harrison

Isn't it scary how we feel a certain way about certain things and we can't even expose our true feelings for fear of how others might view us from that moment on? After talking with a friend about past experiences that have shaped me into the person I am today, I reflected long and hard on my life and what I have to offer.  There were many times that I did not appreciate at the moment of adversity, but I have learned to appreciate in the present.  There were many battles in my life where I have had to lose friends, associates, or opportunities because I stood my ground on particular matters and did not want to contradict my morals, values, or beliefs for others.  I look back on those times and ask myself whether or not I regret those times...To this day, I can honestly say, "NO" loud and clear.  I am at a certain place in my life where the opportunities that I would have gotten five, six, even ten years ago may not even matter today.  Sure, those opportunities could have landed me in other areas but I will not live off of the could've, would've, should've moments.  I am only going to live in the now and prepare for the future.  I am proud of the person I have become and realize that if I did not have those moments of staying true to myself years ago, I would not be the person I am today. Besides, if I would have shifted my stance for others, I probably wouldn't even know who I am today. I would still be searching for the true me.  There are a lot of people struggling with finding their true self and figuring out their purpose in life at an adult age.  I am just glad that I don't have that problem and it is all because I was always me during times of popularity, injustice, unfairness, and spite.  It is always easier to get what you want by being who others think you should be, but I made the choice to do all the things that I wanted to do on my own time in my own way.  I will never apologize for who I am and I advise you to never apologize for the true you. Just remember: "To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
 

Change You to Change Your Life

"Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change." -Jim Rohn

 

Change your mind; change your future.
Change your mind; work through fear.
Change your mind; change your path.
Change your mind; determine the outcome.
Change your actions; meet your goal.
Change your actions; change your health.
Change your heart; welcome your life.
Change your heart; accept your past.
Change your heart; live in happiness.
Change your heart; live in peace.

 

Make the changes that matter. Change things that hinder you in order to grow. If you have become stagnant in the way you live and move from day to day with mere routines, it may be time for some excitement and change in your life! Remember changing you begins with a change WITHIN you.